Tiger Woods Tasteless Jokes Part 1


Tiger Woods Jokes

PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem gave his full backing to scandal-hit Tiger Woods and said the public would now root for him as an underdog. This could all work out very well for Tiger. The world certainly knows he's a dog and he really likes to be under.

Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.

Tiger's neighbor asked him, Tiger, where are you going so early in the morning?"
Tiger says, "I'm going to go play eighteen holes."
Neighbor says, "You're not dressed for golf!"
Tiger says, "Golf?"

Hi, I'm Tiger Woods and I fuck bitches.

Why did Elin recommended that Tiger quit golf and take up minature golf? Because he's going to have to play with his putter for a long time and he won't need a driver.

Tiger is early favorite for 2010 Noble Piece Prize.

Elin: “Who’s Jamie? Tiger: The one that’s polishing my clubs.”

Hey Adidas, this is Tiger, Nike found your number in my phone. I need you to change your name…

Q) What is Tiger Woods' handicap?
A) White women

Question: What is handsome, talented, rich, smart and black? Answer: A groupie’s fantasy.

What do Barack Obama & Tiger Woods have in common?
Their Approval Ratings.

Tiger’s favorite Christmas carol: “I’m Dreaming of a White Mistress”

What's the Diffrence between Santa and tiger woods!? Santa stops after 3 Ho's

What’s the differenece between Tiger Woods and Magic Johnson? HIV (For Now)

Tiger’s gonna end up with GatorAIDS.

After all those hookers and porn stars - Tiger's gonna get the Golf Clap.



Geico has replaced the Gecko with Tiger Woods. Claims so easy you won't have to speak to the police.

Q) Why is Nike Tiger Woods' favorite sponsor?
A) Just Do It

KFC’s coming out with a ‘Tiger Meal.' White breast only.

Tiger Woods has many, many cars. Now he has a hole in one.

Q) Why has Tiger Woods had so many affairs?
A) He can't take a stroke.

Q) What is Tiger Woods' favorite hole?
A) Elin Nordegren

What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

Perhaps Tiger should have used a driver.

What were Tiger Woods and Elin doing out at 2 in the morning? They went clubbing.

Apparently the police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. She said "I don't know exactly.....but put me down for a 4."

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.

Was this a Black Thai affair?

Allegedly, Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife to pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger.



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2 comments:

  1. There are a bunch of hilarious Tiger Woods Facebook Status updates at:

    http://facebookstatus.blogspot.com/2009/12/funny-tiger-woods-facebook-status.html

    ReplyDelete
  2. It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have
    turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the
    children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early
    dismissal.

    Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can
    leave early today."

    Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart
    and will answer the question."

    Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

    Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

    Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

    Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

    Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

    Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

    Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

    Johnny is even madder than before.

    Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

    Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

    Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

    Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the
    questions.

    When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would
    keep their mouths shut!"

    The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

    Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

    ReplyDelete

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