Jon Friedman: I wonder if Jeremy Irons ever quietly laughs to himself while he's ironing.
Tig Notaro: I've made so many jokes over the years about being flat-chested that when I was diagnosed with bilateral breast cancer, I began to wonder if maybe my boobs overheard me and thought, "You know what? She clearly doesn't appreciate us. Let's get out of here."
Joe Devito: Just got a bill in the mail that said, "Final Notice." So, that's a relief.
And, Bam:
Myq Kaplan: My girlfriend told me she wanted me to dominate her, so I said, "Let's play Scrabble."
Somehow, it took Carrie Seim, Larry Getlen, Gregory E. Miller and Reed Tucker to come up with these 50. And why Seth Meyers got half a page is anyone's guess.
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