Matthew Pryce to Mike Francesa: Retire...Right Now! | Bob's Blitz

Matthew Pryce to Mike Francesa: Retire...Right Now!

Mike Francesa: Retire.....Right Now!

As recently as last week, our favorite on-air burper hinted at his imminent retirement. Typically, popes serve until their death, but being more powerful and more important than the actual pope, Mike Francesa dictates the terms of his employment. Well, sorta.

By Matthew V Pryce / @formerlyfuntime

Manhasset, NY -- Plummeting ratings have led to Mike losing the kung-fu grip on his show's control and buried deep on Fox Sports 23, he is often preempted by preseason badminton friendlies, that, while exciting, don't offer the same hard-hitting unintentional comedy for which we're all tuning in.

Likely, Mike's finally coming to grips with the reality of his legend: he's a fucking joke in 2015. His show is terrible in every way except aspects that provide the aforementioned unintentional comedy. His guests are comprised of the same ambien-esque snoozers who rotate in and out, and he just talks over them too. The callers are a combination of octogenarians who have yet to make the move from transistor radio to TV and people who are pranking him. Often, it's very hard to tell the difference. Given the nature of the internet's viral content on Mikey, finally, the emperor might be realizing that he's waddling naked in a sea of humiliation.

We'll miss you for various reasons, Michael Patrick "Sports Pope" Francesa -- most of which you'd probably rather we forget. Enjoy your retirement and do us all a favor, stay away from microphones.

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